I am in my late fifties in age. I was born into a Catholic Family on my mother's side, and into a Baptist family on my father's side. My father had to convert to Catholicism in order to marry my mother (before I was born). I was circumcised when I was still a young boy. I do not remember it. Strangely enough I have a memory of being baptized in a Catholic Church. I do not know why that is. I was too young to even talk. I remember being in New Jersey (My maternal Grandmother's house) many times after that, while my father was at war. He was a U.S. Marine and always seemed to be going to war. The thing that I remember the most about New Jersey was, that the windows in My grandmother's house had black roll down curtains, "left over" from the Second world war. These were supposed to keep the German U-boats and bomber planes from seeing the city's lights at night. (New Jersey is on the eastern coast of the U.S. and also borders the ocean acessable Hudson River)
I was commanded to go to Catholic training school called Catechism (1). I hated it. Much later in my life I was doing a kind of "Deep Tissue" muscle therapy, and while the therapist was working on my feet, she touched two very painful spots. The pain felt like hooks that went between my Achilles tendons and my heels. During the painful correction of those misaligned muscles, I started having "flashbacks" of a ritual (2) performed by the Catholic Bishop priest who "confirmed" me as a Catholic. After reviewing that incident a few times, the pain around my Achilles tendons became more and more painful. I mentally and spiritually pulled the "hooks" out. (While my "deep tissue" therapist was working on the physical end, I was working on the mental/spiritual end). The muscles and tendons "released", after that, and the pain went away. It seemed to me that these spiritual "hooks" were installed as part of the ceremony, by the priest. during my "one on one" interview with him. I used to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I went near anything Catholic. I do not feel that now.
(1....catechism
noun
a summary of the principles of Christian religion in the form of questions and answers, used for the instruction of Christians.
• a series of fixed questions, answers, or precepts used for instruction in other situations.)
( 2...ritual
noun
a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order : the ancient rituals of Christian worship | the role of ritual in religion.
• a prescribed order of performing such a ceremony, esp. one characteristic of a particular religion or church.)
At the age of 15, my mother passed away, and thus the family compulsion for us to be Catholic, went away also. My father soon remarried another Catholic woman who had 3 children from a previous marriage. She was a widow. She had all of her children and my younger sister attending Catholic school. I remember someone "half heartedly" asking me to attend Catholic school also, but my father knew better than to push me on it. I could be VERY stubborn. Besides, I can say now that I he probably though it was a waste of money, and would ultimately cause a lot of friction with his "new" family.
At the age of 17, I read the first spiritual book that I actually liked. It was by Kahlil Gilbran. During the next ten years, I read Sidartha, by Herman Hesse, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Buddhist writings, Hindu stuff, and basically anything spiritual, except Christianity and Islam. (we were not exposed to Islam except mostly in cartoons and Jewish owned Hollywood movies.) I studied Martial Arts and the Zen and Taoist philosophies behind them. I even joined a worship group of Tibetan Buddhists. (3) Most of these endeavors kept my mentally and spiritually busy, but there was something missing. I felt like I needed to get close to the creator. Even though I hated Christianity as I had come to know it, I went to a Pentecostal church to see what it was like. I saw the electric guitars and the drums that the "worship team" played. This was NOT like the Catholic church that I remembered.
(3......When I went to join the U.S. army and go fight in the Viet Nam war, I even told the personnel clerk who filled out my personnel files that I was a Buddhist. It wasn't until I read about the Viet Nam war on the internet, and how it was controlled by an Arch Bishop in New Jersey, that I realized that the war was basically a Genocide. They were killing everyone who wasn't a catholic, agnostic or atheist. It said my religion was Buddhist on my dog tags. They sent me to South Korea to do my overseas tour of duty, instead of Viet Nam. I guess the government didn't want a Buddhist to recognize what they were doing and then to tell the rest of the world. I am in a similar situation now. I am an American who became Muslim in America, and went to a so called "Muslim" country.)
I was mostly drawn in to that new church scene by the Music. I was a pretty fair singer/songwriter, and had always wanted to have a venue for my talents. I went to a lot of bible studies. I learned a lot about christianity, from the "Christian" perspective. I was right there looking for approval from men, while at the same time trying to figure out my relationship with the Creator. Many times we would be told to hold up our bibles and say "This is my sword. It is the unerrant word of God". If someone wanted to debate us on the bible, we were told they could only debate us about our faith from within the parameters of what was written in the Bible. "It" was the "only" truth. I was totally swept up into that cult. It was pretty cool to go to a place of worship where women wore sexy clothes and held there hands up and swooned when the band "played in the spirit". Especially when "I" was part of the band.
I had been in another cult before that. It was called Scientology. The Scientology and Dianetics Dictionary describes Scientology as an extension of the works of Gutama Siddartha Buddha. But it was very high tech, and used a kind of "lie detector" along with a mentally guiding "voice dialogue" to spiritually elevate it's members. It also charged an extraordinary amount of money for that. After about 9 months I had seen through that money making facade and left. It took me much longer to finally leave the "cult" of Christianity. I finally left it, and Came to Islam, Nine years later.
One day I was in an auto repair shop and was talking with the cashier. I noticed a lady sitting in the corner of the same waiting room. She was wearing a hat that covered her hair. She looked like a foreigner. Something told me to try to get her involved in the conversation. I said something about women drivers. I said you know ho those women are? I turned to her and saw her chomping at the bit to talk with us. I said "What do YOU think?"
She turned out to be a very interesting woman. She was an Algerian. I invited her to come play some board games with me and a friend. We all had a great time. Later I learned about her dilemma. About what my country had done to her. (4) I went to court with her and began to try to straighten things out. The more I got into her case, the more I lost faith in my country and finally came to the realization that my country's government had been hijacked. I became very upset about all this, and did a lot of research. When I asked my "Christian" friends and churches to help, most did no more than try to convert her to Christianity. More than one Christian told me to tell her that if she converted, that God would give her back her child. Those interactions brought me to doubt my faith and what I was finding out were the "government controlled" churches, and to investigate "Christianity" from it's inception.
(4...http://legalizedpedophillia.blogspot.com/)
During my research I read what is generally considered to be an unaltered document written by one of the Diciples of Isa. It was called the Gospel of Thomas. It had apparently survived the purging and burning of all documents that were unauthorized by the Roman Emperor Constantine's second council of Nicaea (during which, the Bible was compiled). The more I read it, the more I realized how much the writings in the book called the Bible had been altered and rewritten. There was a particular prophetic line in it that shook me to the core. It gave me a new insight. I looked at the religious world through these new perceptions for weeks. I became very unsettled. I then read the english translation of the Quran.
Surah 5–al-Maidah
82. You will surely find the most intense of the people in animosity
toward the believers [to be] the Jews and those who associate
others with Allah; and you will find the nearest of them in
affection to the believers those who say, "We are Christians."
That is because among them are priests and monks and because
they are not arrogant.
83. And when they hear what has been revealed to the Messenger,
you see their eyes overflowing with tears because of what they
have recognized of the truth. They say, "Our Lord, we have
believed, so register us among the witnesses.
84. And why should we not believe in Allah and what has come
to us of the truth? And we aspire that our Lord will admit us
[to Paradise] with the righteous people."
.
.....
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