AhlulBayt News Agency (ABNA): What follows is from one of the speeches of the Supreme Leader of the Revolution, Imam Khamenei, about marriage and choosing a spouse:
The criteria I recognize for marriage are not far from what is in the Sharia tradition. I insist on rejecting some [wrong] criteria [common in society]. You know that Islam has left the way open [in this matter] however prioritized values, and it has not limited people [for marriage]. I do not insist much on setting criteria, rather I insist on rejecting some [wrong] criteria.
The first criterion [for marriage] that I strongly wish to reject is wealth. That is, when a young person wants to get married – whether a boy or a girl – he or she should not consider the wealth of the fiancé and the future spouse.
I think this [wealth] is a misleading issue and should not be considered a genuine attraction [for marriage]. We have observed this issue in our family.
Another issue that should never be considered in marriage is “social status”. This should not be desired at all. I have heard that some people look for a boy for their daughter, or a girl for their son who must be related to a prominent family or figure. Fortunately, this issue is less common among boys and girls, however it is much seen among parents. I believe that this criterion is inappropriate and should not be considered in the context of marriage.
Also, some [superficial] attractions that interest young people should not be considered as criteria for marriage. For example, perhaps boys or girls consider it enough to like someone with superficial attractions! We strongly caution and avoid this issue! We do not want girls and boys to be caught in such traps.
Apart from these issues, a girl or a boy may want his or her spouse to have a higher education. Maybe someone else doesn’t care. In this case, the criteria are not limited.
Or someone wants his or her spouse to be from a certain region of the country. There is no limit in this matter and the way is open. Some people definitely want their spouse to be someone who has moved in the way of God; for example, a war veteran, someone from a family who has a martyr, and so on.
Some do not consider these issues as part of their criteria for marriage. I do not emphasize these issues so as not to limit the marriage criteria. I only emphasize the negative boundaries. Although we considered these issues regarding our children (1).
It may be said that it is the month of Muharram. [And it is not appropriate to talk about marriages and celebrations in this month, which is dedicated to mourning for Imam Hussain (a.s.)]. But for Islamic-style marriage, which is away from wrong ceremonies and luxuries, there is no difference between Muharram and Rabi al-Awwal. Such a marriage is always blessed and auspicious. O young people! Rush to get married! O Fathers and mothers! Provide the ground for the marriage of your daughters and sons, who are ready for marriage! Do not put so many constraints [on marriage].
O fathers of girls! Don’t keep your daughters for a rich, blue-blooded, having prominent career, famous, known son-in-law. If you see that a young man is a Muslim and a believer, and both the girl and the boy are Muslim and both are Kafaah*, provide the ground for their marriage.
Don’t hinder marriage so much. O parents, especially mothers of boys! O boys who want to get married! Consider Islamic standards in marriage!
Don’t just look for [superficial] beauty. Perhaps there are faces that are not so beautiful, but they are placed on beautiful hearts. What is the sin of girls who are doomed not to get married because they are not beautiful? Why are some people so cruel? Why do they ignore Islamic values? Why is the issue of age and appearance so decisive for some people?
Why should some of the believing girls, who are not so young, or do not enjoy so much beauty, be deprived of the blessings of marriage, family, and having and raising children? Blessed is the child who grows up in the bosom of such pure women! Blessed is the man who has such a pure and holy woman at home! Throw away these tyrannical standards!
O parents! Practice God’s piety in the matter of marriage. In many cases the Quran and Islam have instructed us not to make the dowry heavy, not to look for heavy household items, and not to look for fame and a [high position] career.
A Muslim boy and girl, who enjoy Islamic teachings and have believing hearts, are Kafaah. Let them start their life together. Many people refer to me about this issue. In these matters, young people, both boys and girls, complain about strict families, especially the parents of some girls.
In this holy time, in this holy matter, in the presence of a huge crowd, in the Friday prayer sermon, I beg you to return to God’s decree. Consider what God has said as valid (2).
* A term used in the field of Islamic jurisprudence about marriage in Islam, which in Arabic, literally means equality or equivalence. It is thus defined as the compatibility or equivalence between a prospective husband and his prospective wife which should be adhered to. This compatibility is dependent on multiple factors that include religion, social status, morality, piety, wealth, lineage, or custom.
1. Supreme Leader’s speech in Friday Prayer sermons 1980. “Women Mirror” page. 109
2. Supreme Leader’s speech in a meeting with eulogists and praisers of the AhlulBayt (a.s.) on the occasion of the birth anniversary of the Lady Fatimah Zahra (a.s.) 1991. “Women Mirror” page. 90
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